77: Ep3: Nobody Told Me I'd Have To Share My Life Online With Strangers

You know you're supposed to share parts of your life online. But what, exactly? You're private. Your kids don't want to be content. And you have zero interest in crying on camera for engagement. I hear some version of this from the women I work with every single week, so if that's you, you're not alone. In this episode of The Creative Bodega, I'm introducing you to a concept I call your core story bank: the 4 to 5 stories and personal themes that make you relatable without making you an open book. If you're the private one, the introvert, the one who cringes at performed vulnerability, this episode is especially for you.

Check out the full show notes for this episode CLICK HERE.

Things I cover inside this episode:

• Why "be authentic online" has spiraled into performing pain for views
• The "share your scars, not your wounds" rule and how I apply it
• What a core story bank is and why 4 to 5 stories is plenty
• My own core stories and themes (the CrossFit gym era, NYC, Blitzy the pit bull)
• How to find the bridges between your life and your ideal client's
• Why I pulled back from showing my kids online, even though those views spike
• The private-person path to a personal brand (dog walks and morning coffee count)

Resources & Links mentioned in the episode:

• EP 13 - The past episode where I tell my NYC-to-meeting-Rob story (referenced when discussing core stories)

Connect with me:
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🫶🏼 Check out The Content Coven Membership

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Transcript

Speaker 0:00

Your core story bank shouldn't ever feel forced, okay? I'm not telling you to sit down and brainstorm like five stories to sprinkle into your content like seasoning. That's not what this is. What I'm saying is think about the topics that genuinely light you up, the things that you could talk about without a script, without thinking too hard, without feeling like you're performing, stories that you have told people in your real life over and over again. Welcome to the Creative Bodega Podcast. I'm Em Connors, Instagram content strategist, one of 43 Canva-verified experts worldwide, and a mom of two who is not on Instagram for fun. I'm there to market my business, grow my email list, and get the heck off my phone, and that's exactly what I teach. You can expect simple content strategy, visual systems, and Instagram-to-email tactics that actually work without taking over your life. Let's get into it. Welcome back to the Creative Bodega Podcast, and welcome back to the Nobody Told Me series. We are on episode three, and this one, this one I've been wanting to talk about for a while, because if there's one thing I hear constantly from the female solopreneurs I work with, it is this, "I know I'm supposed to share parts of my life online, but I have no idea what to share," or, "I'm really private, and I don't want to share certain parts of my life," or, "I don't wanna cry on camera," or, "I don't wanna share things that I'm gonna regret," or, "My teenage kids are watching, and they don't want me to talk about them." Whatever. Like, I get it so, so much. But I also think there's a massive misconception floating around about what sharing your life online actually means. So today I wanna clear that up, and I want to introduce you to a concept that I call your core story bank, which might just change how you think about your personal content entirely. So let's start with what's happening on Instagram right now, because I think it's really worth naming. There's a version of be authentic online that has gotten completely out of hand, if you ask me, and it looks like crying openly on the camera and sharing things that are raw and fresh and, like, honestly not fully processed yet by the person who's doing these things, putting painful moments on display because, let's face it, vulnerability gets views. It's just a fact. So when I started showing up online, it was the opposite. The culture on Instagram was much more polished, more curated, and sometimes too much so, for sure. But somewhere in between those two extremes is where I actually live and where I think most of you live, too. I will never tell you that you need to show your children online. I've actually really pulled back from that myself. I listen to too many true crime podcasts. I know too much, and protecting my children and their privacy matters more than any engagement boost that I would ever get from showing their faces, which by the way, when I show their faces, I get a lot of views, like a lot, especially in my stories. They are my most viewed, which I'm always like, "Ugh, why?" You know what I mean? Like, why? So I've really pulled back from showing them, and I will also never tell you to share something that hasn't been healed yet. There's a phrase I love that I first heard from Jasmine Star, and it was, "Share your scars, not your wounds." If you're in the middle of something that's hard and heavy, that's not content in my opinion. That's something for you and your therapist, your husband, your best friend, and your journal. Like, when you've come out on the other side and time has passed and you have something to offer from it, that's when it becomes a story worth telling in my opinion. So if you've been holding back because Instagram feels like it's asking you to perform a level of vulnerability that you're just not comfortable with, good. Don't do that. That's literally not what I'm talking about today. What I am talking about today is you coming up with a core story bank. Here's the concept. You don't need an endless supply of new personal content. You really, really don't. You do not need to manufacture drama or dig up difficult moments just to seem relatable to your audience. What you could use and what could benefit you greatly is four to five core stories And some personal themes that are very true to you, things that you can return to again and again, that your audience sees themselves in every time. I find that most of the women I'm working with do what they do because they had some type of transformation themselves, or they just found something they absolutely love doing, and they want to shout it from the rooftops, and they want to help everyone. And there's often stories that go into their lives that help them get from point A to point B. Okay? So again, your audience can see themselves in these stories every single time, and that's what makes up your core story bank, and most of you are sitting on this without even realizing it. So mine have been the same for many, many years, and you've heard me talk about them on the last couple of these Nobody Told Me series episodes. The CrossFit gym era with my husband when we started a CrossFit gym, wanting desperately out of my nine-to-five job and to be the, you know, the boss of my time, being a mom to two elementary age school kiddos who are sports obsessed and are somehow both completely exhausting and the whole point of everything that I do. My rescue pit bull, Blitzy, who is a menace, and I love him completely, and he is my shadow. So stories are more like the CrossFit gym era and being exhausted by my nine-to-five and wanting to do something I absolutely loved and, you know, I'm divorced, so I have talked about that. Living in New York City. Like, these are, like, core themes in my life. Being the main earner in our family and the pressure that comes along with that. These are, like, core story themes. My personal life themes are the rescue pit bull, my daily walks, my backyard, and I love walking around my backyard and planting stuff and flowers. I love true crime podcasts. I have a full on, like, romantasy novel obsession. It's all I ever read ever since COVID These are like themes, right? So you've got your core story bank. These are like your, your core stories that you are willing and able to talk about that your audience can relate to, that kind of come up again and again in your content, and do, do help us figure out how you got to where you are. You know what I mean? And then there's your, your s- your themes for your life, where those are just like those random little things that make you you, right? And no one's gonna have your unique combination of stories and themes. That's just the truth, right? And that is what's gonna help make you you and help people relate to you. So none of those things I mentioned are dramatic, right? None of them make me want to cry on camera, but those themes show up in my content a lot, and the women who follow me connect with them because they're living some version of the same life, or they did at some point, right? And that's the magic of the story bank. It's not about being this open book and, like, weeping on camera. You won't find me doing that. It's about being a real human being Now here's the part that I think is really important, and I don't want to skip over it. Your core story bank shouldn't ever feel forced, okay? I'm not telling you to sit down and brainstorm like five stories to sprinkle into your content like seasoning. That's not what this is. What I'm saying is think about the topics that genuinely light you up, the things that you could talk about without a script, without thinking too hard, without feeling like you're performing. Like stories that you have told people in your real life over and over again. It gets brought up that I lived in New York City for 10 years, and I'm divorced, and then I talk about how I met Rob and like how that whole blah, blah, blah. I have a whole podcast episode about it if you want to listen to it. It's pretty dramatic and pretty crazy and pretty traumatic. Being married to a narcissist is a nightmare, but anyways, I digress. So yeah, their stories just come up. They just, they just come up, and they're, they're ones you've told many, many times. So and then ask yourself, "Does this connect back to what I do or the person that I serve? Could they see themselves in this?" Because that's kind of the sweet spot. When what you love talking about naturally kind of overlaps with what your audience is going through, that's when personal storytelling stops feeling like a chore or uncomfortable and starts just feeling like you talking, right? And talking is something all of us can do, and I don't know, a lot of us love to listen. We're all so nosy, and we want to know your personal business. But again, it's got to be something you're willing to share. So for me, talking about mom life connects directly to the woman I serve because most of them are juggling kids and a business and a partner and other bajillion things, and they need to know that the person teaching them gets that. I don't know about you. I have a very hard time relating to content creators who do stuff like I do who do not have children. I just do. I'm like, "You just don't even understand." Like, your world is so different from mine. You've got all the time in the world. I absolutely do not. It's not like content creation and kids go together. Like it's, it's... You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't really make sense, but it does when we are trying to connect with a certain type of person. And I don't talk about it ad nauseam to the point that I'm turning away people who don't have kids. It's just sprinkled into my content. I don't have a ton of time. I work school hours. I do this for the freedom of time so that I can be at all my kids' shit. You know what I mean? Like that comes up. So talking about hating my nine-to-five connects because most of my audience is either still in one and dreaming of leaving it, or they just left it and they're scared, and they want to hear how I built my business. So those aren't random personal details, right? They're, they're bridges. So I want you to find your bridges And create your core story bank. Again, we're not asking for 10 stories, I'm talking about four to five. So how do you actually figure out what goes in yours? So start here. I want you to think about experiences in your life that your ideal client is either living right now or has lived at some point. Not any type of like polished resolved version, like the messy middle of it, the part where they're lying awake at night thinking about it. For a lot of you, that might be juggling a business with little kids at home, or feeling like an imposter in your industry, or wanting more flexibility and freedom, but not knowing how to get there, or, you know, anything like that. Being really good at what you do, but terrible about talking about it online, right? Those are themes, and somewhere in your actual life you have stories that sit inside of those themes. You don't have to dig too deep to find them. They're probably already the things you talk about with your friends, or your family members, or your spouse, and things that come up in your DMs, and the things you find yourself referencing when you explain why you started your business. Write them down, just a handful. Five is more than enough, and honestly, three is even a great start, and you might be surprised how easily a couple more come to you when you sit down to think about this. And then practice returning to them, okay? Not in like a scripted way, just when you sit down to create content and you wanna add like a personal layer, you've got a place to go, a bank to draw from. You're not staring at a blank screen trying to decide how much of your life to put on the internet, okay? And one more thing before I go, the private people, the introverted people, the shy people, the ones who feel deeply uncomfortable with the idea of sharing online, this episode is especially for you. You do not have to be an open book. You do not have to share your kids, your marriage, your home, your hard seasons, or anything that doesn't feel right. There are people building incredible businesses and personal brands with a story bank full of nada. Nothing more than their personal journey, their dog, their love of hiking, and their morning coffee routine It doesn't have to be big. It just has to be real, and it has to be yours. The goal was never to share everything. The goal is to share enough that the right person feels like they've found their person. Best compliment I could ever get is when women DM me, "You don't know me, Em, but you're one of my best friends," or, "You don't know me, but I swear to God, I feel like if we had coffee, we would become best friends. We would be fast friends." And I'm like, "Mm-hmm, we probably would." You feel like you know me. I've shared enough of my personal life. I show up authentically and in a real way that you can connect to, and that's it. That's the whole thing. So if you're working on figuring out how to show up more consistently as yourself without the pressure of performing vulnerability that you don't actually feel, barf, come join us inside the Content Coven. It's a really good room full of incredible women who are figuring out this exact thing together, okay? That's it. That's episode three of Nobody Told Me. Next week, nobody told me these habits were keeping me invisible. We're getting into the five things I would stop doing immediately if I were starting my personal brand over. It's gonna be a good one. I'll see you then. Thanks so much for hanging out with me on the Creative Bodega Podcast. If you loved this episode, please be sure to share it with a fellow solopreneur who could use a little content creation inspiration. And hey, don't forget to check out the show notes for any resources I mentioned on the episode to help you create content that feels easy and actually gets you results. If you want even more Canva and content tips, head over to my website, thecreativebodega.com, or find me on Instagram under the same name. Until next time, keep creating, keep showing up, and most importantly, try and have a little fun with your content. I'll see you on the next episode